Given the realm of possibilities in this class I believe that there are many things that have brought me to a halt in terms of this English course. For instance, the pressure of knowing that my entire grade is based on some one else reading my essays at the end of the semester which is now less than 7 short weeks away... My point being, the thing that I struggle with the most was the huge reality check that came into play. I anticipated to ace this particular class only to discover that in fact, I can write, however, I cannot write for anyone else but myself. Nor have I ever had the desire to.
My biggest problem when it comes to writing the essays for this course is trying to figure out what the hell the assignment is asking for. Until just recently when we all truly discovered that it doesn't make a bit of difference what the assignment is, the true goal is communicate our point while trying to reach the goals stated in the student handbook. With that said, I intend to focus more on the writing aspect, such as making a paper long enough that is worth reading. However, in the classroom handouts I will be the first to admit that I do not read the long essays, because I hate reading things that simply do not interest me. I am certain I'm not alone on this one. It may however be in my best interest to start taking this class more seriously since I had an ego about my wiriting and now I realize that writing is not just about putting nice words into a nice order. The writings for this class should have a point. The point I'm trying to make right now is that I seriously need to re-consider what I thought I knew...
So it is that I must learn to discover for myself exactly what I am trying to say, because if I don't know what I'm trying to say, how could anyone else know what I'm trying to say? I am able to follow the structure of the assignment however I dread going into details about things that I feel a certain apathy toward, which happens to be a considerable amount of things these days. Truly, if you wanted to know, I could go into why my essays have not been what I know they could be. I could tell you how it's because of the things I do outside of school and working and troubles with everything else, and I know that I'm not even getting off topic right now because there really is no specific question we were asked to answer for this assignment. It is safe to say however that my writings would be much better if my outside life were not so frantic and unbearable some days. So perhaps if I really wanted to fix my essays, I could just go ahead and fix my life.
For the sake of passing this class and working toward a degree I'm not even 50% sure that I want and making my family proud of me, I will state that I intend to write my next essay using all of the skills we have learned in class, and that I will make it at least 3 pages long and five paragraphs consisting of a striking introduction, 3 body paragraphs full of knowledge I hope you didn't already know, and a conclusion that will summarize yet add to the body of the text. Much like this blog entry, I will find a way to make that paper my own in hopes that if I am interested in what I am saying it is much more likely that someone else will be too.
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